ALBUM INFO
(See the end of this section for a plot summary)

"To Live" is a rock opera that tells the story of a teenager's struggle to cope with the loss of loved ones. If you're unfamiliar with what a rock opera is: it's a rock album where each song relates to a common story. The songs are best listened to in order, and there are many continuous transitions between them.

I remember the first time I listened to Pink Floyd's "The Wall" in 2019, and since then the idea of creating my own rock opera began to brew. Yet I was plagued by failing to come up with a plot, and it wasn't until January 1, 2021 where I wrote the first lyrics that became the basis of "To Live." After watching the ball drop on New Years, I went to bed and wrote "The Inside" before falling asleep. I later took the plot of that song and gave it context by developing a story leading up to it, then expanded it to have a subsequent climax and denouement. By March I had completed the first draft of lyrics: 20 songs at about 2300 words.

The first song I recorded was in April; "The Morning Sun" marked the first time I had ever recorded my singing... and I hated it. I have a particularly tough time holding the right pitch. However, my distaste for my own voice was overshadowed by my creative drive. I originally considered the tracks to be demo tapes, with the plan of showing them to someone with more vocal talent before asking them to sing instead. But I was putting in the work and eventually got used to hearing myself sing, so I decided... eh, whatever. I have a habit of working on drafts as if they're a final product, so the demo tapes all pretty much turned out to be the real tracks. By the start of June, as I really got into recording, I had expanded the album into 23 songs at about 4100 words.

I recorded most of the songs in order solely because it was easier to create the transitions that way, and I finished recording on July 28, 2021. I was constantly editing previous songs as I worked my way through the album, so by the time I finished "The Beginning," there was little left to do. Given that I'm only an amateur musician without a proper studio, I think the album's quality is as good as it can be.

Not only does this album showcase my attempt at achieving quite an ambitious goal, but it also reflects my compositional growth. I joined a music theory Facebook group in late April, just after I began recording, and through the guidance of members of that group and YouTube videos, I was able to study more advanced musical topics. As a result, my own music is more complex, sophisticated, and full of new sounds. "To Live" is certainly not pop music, but rather an expression of topics and themes that I'm passionate about through a genre that I enjoy.

I'm not a professional, and I'm certainly not a singer. Most of the making of this album took place on my couch, and though for a moment I considered hiring someone to mix and master the tracks, I'm glad I didn't; I take pride in having done everything myself with complete creative control. The result isn't perfect, but I like it.

If you are interested in streaming this album without the brief pauses between songs, please see the continuous version at ericgerlach.bandcamp.com/album/to-live-continuous-version

Thanks for listening!


Plot summary:

"To Live" is the story of a teenager’s struggle to cope with the loss of loved ones. The title is taken from the 1994 Chinese film of the same name.

An unnamed teenager originally has the view that people can choose their path (Crossroads), and is optimistic despite falling behind a fast-paced society (The Morning Sun). Growing up, he realizes that he is different from his peers but aims to stay true to himself (I Won’t Let You Make Me Bleed). His older brother joins the military and is killed in action (Little Soldiers), and his girlfriend is killed in a car/train collision (When I’m With You) which he survives (Recovery). At first, he believes he won’t be brought down by his experiences (Not This Time), but he soon adopts a more pessimistic view of life (Just a Taste) and a general indifference toward society (The Fall). His drug addiction escalates (Take Me Home), and he is eventually introduced to hallucinogenic substances (In the Clouds… Again).

He attends a party but finds himself depressed (The Inside). In an attempt to make himself feel better, he hooks up with a girl but only ends up intensifying his negative feelings (One Final Try). After driving the girl away, he realizes how isolated he has become (Alone) and contemplates what to do with himself (Down to the Wire). Believing that drugs are the only way to help him “see” his brother and girlfriend again, he takes enough to overdose (No Tomorrow) and immediately reflects on his actions (As They Say). Upon waking up in the hospital, he considers the effect his behavior has had on his mother and what he can do to cope with his losses (Seeds of the Fallen Tree). He is still haunted by his ghosts (It’s Not Over) but begins to see them with a different perspective (Ghost in Disguise). During a dream, he is visited by his girlfriend and mother and is encouraged to move on (What Remains). Upon awakening, he feels a sense of optimism again (Awakening). The album ends with the suggestion that one can properly cope with their struggles if they open up to others (The Beginning).